Star!

~ Star! ~

If the lady's naughty but proper
If the lady's chicer than chic.
If her escorts must wear a topper
And each man's the man of the week
If she rides around in a brand-new
Foreign car
The chances are
The lady's a star!

If the lady's brilliangtly witty
If she makes the dialog flash
If the lady's way with a ditty
Makes the ditty seem like a smash
If her songs add up to a fancy
Repertoire
The chances are
The lady's a star!

If her smallest party is really extensive
With tons of expensive
Caviar

If the lady's someone
With the same credentials someone
With the same essentials someone
Who is worshipped from afar

She's a genuine, positive,
Totally marvelous
Perfectly wonderful
Star!


And the lady's habits are utterly charming
Yet sometimes alarming and bizarre

If the lady's someone
With the same dimensions someone
With the same pretentions someone
Known from Maine to Cooch Behar
She's a magical, glorious,
Radiant, glamourous
Thoroughly faboulous
Star!

~ Piccadilly ~

Piccadilly,
Piccadilly,
It's the playground of the gay
Piccadilly,
Piccadilly,
Where the traffic goes one way
In the daytime
There's lot of life
But at nighttime
Well, you're apt to lose your wife
In Piccadilly, Piccadilly,
Dear old London's broad high way

The soldier up in Poona
The sailor on the sea
Is a pioneer
And the engineer
The captain on the schooner
The fighters of the air
Sing of you
And Leceister Square

Piccadilly,
Piccadilly,
It's the playground of the gay
Piccadilly,
Piccadilly,
Where the traffic goes one way
In the daytime
The parade down the street
But at nighttime
They need someone else's feet

In the daytime
You'll meet lovely brunettes
But at nighttime
Oh, God save the King,
They're wrecks

Piccadilly, Piccadilly,
Dear old London's broad high way
Dear old London's broad high way

~ Oh, It's A Loverly War ~

Oh, oh, oh,
It's a lovely war!
Who wouldn't be a soldier, eh
Oh, it's a shame to take to pay
As soon as the reveille has gone
We feel just as heavy as lead
But we never get up till the sergeant
Brings our breakfast up to bed

Oh, oh, oh,
It's a lovely war!
What do we want with eggs and ham
When we got plum and apple jam
Form four, right turn
How shall we spend the money we earn
Oh, oh, oh,
It's a lovely war!

Oh, oh, oh,
It's a lovely
Oh, oh, oh,
It's a lovely
Oh, oh, oh,
It's a lovely war!!!

~ In My Garden Of Joy ~

Roses mean love me forever
Love that will always be true
Violets mean modesty
Lilacs, humility
Daffs can be cheering when you're feeling blue...

Lilies for brides young and winsome
Rosebuds for bridemaids so coy
I love each flower so
Watching them as they grow
In my garden of joy

~ Forbidden Fruit ~

There may be a lot of windfalls
Lying all around
But you'll never see a man enjoy the fruit
That's on the ground

Every peach out of reach is attractive
'Cause it's just a little bit too high
And you'll find that every man
Will try to pluck it, if he can
As he passes by

For a brute loves the fruit that's forbidden
And I'll bet you half a crown
He'll appreciate the flavor of it much much more
If he has to climb a bit to shake it down

Every peach out of reach is attractive
'Cause it's just a little bit too high
Though it isn't very sane
To make the things you can't attain
Still you always try
If you find that you're blind with devotion
For delightful Mrs. Brown
You'll appreciate eloping with her much much more
If her husband comes along and knocks you down

~ 'N' Everything ~

She's got a pair of eyes that speak of love
'N' everything
She's got a smile like angels up above
'N' everything

The little birdies start to sing
When they see her they think it's spring
Like April showers
She makes the flowers
Just seem to grow
'N' everything

She's got the cutest little dimpled hand
'N' everything
A pretty finger for a wedding band
'N' everything

And if she'll be my little wife
We will lead the simple life
And we'll raise a lot of ducks 'n' cows 'n' geese
'N' everything

And if she'll be my little wife
We will lead the simple life
And we'll raise a lot of ducks 'n' cows 'n' geese
'N' everything
'N' everything
Lots of ducks 'n' cows 'n' geese
'N' e - ve - ry - thing ...

~ Burlington Bertie From Bow ~

I'm Bert
Perhaps you've heard of me, Bert!
You've had word of me
Jogging along
Hearty and strong
Living on plates of fresh air

I dress
Up in fashion and when I am feeling depressed
I shave from my cuff all the whiskers and fluff
Stick my hat on and toddle up west

I'm Burlington Bertie
I rise at 10:30
And saunter alone like a toff
I walk down the Strand with my gloves on my hand
And I walk down again with'em off

I'm all airs and graces
Correct easy paces
Without food so long I forgot where my face is

I'm Bert, Bert,
I haven't a shirt but my people are well-off you know
Nearly everyone knows me
From Smith to Lord Roseb'ry
I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow

I'm Burlington Bertie
I rise at 10:30
And saunter alone Temple Bar
As 'round there I skip I keep shouting "pip pip"
And the darn fools think I'm in my car...

At Rothschild's I swank it
My body I plank it
On his front doorstep with the mail for a blanket
I'm Bert, Bert
And Rothschild is hurt
He said "You can't sleep there"
I said "Oh"
He said "I'm Rothschild, sonny"
I said "That's damn funny"
I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow

I'm Burlington Bertie
I rise at 10:30
Then Buckingham Palace I view
I stand in the yard while they're changing the guard
And the King shouts across "Toodle-oo"

The Prince of Wales' brother
Along with some other
Slaps me on my back and says "Come and see mother"
I'm Bert, Bert
And Royalty is hurt when they ask me to dine I say "No"
I just had a banana
With Lady Diana
I'm Burlington Bertie
I'm Burlington Bertie
I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow

~ Parisian Pierrot ~

Parisian Pierrot
Society's hero
The Lord of a day
The Rue de La Paix
Is under your way
Your world may be flatter
But what does it matter
They'll never shatter
Your gloom profound

Parisian Pierrot
Your spirit's at zero
Divinely forlorn
With exquisite scorn
From sunset to dawn
The limbo is calling
Your star will be falling
As soon as the clock
Goes 'round

Parisian Pierrot
Your spirit's at zero
Divinely forlorn
With exquisite scorn
From sunset to dawn
The limbo is calling
Your star will be falling
As soon as the clock
Goes 'round

~ Limehouse Blues ~

And those weird China blues
Never go away
Sad, mad blues
For all the while they seem to say

Oh, Limehouse kid
Oh, oh, Limehouse kid
Goin' the way
That the rest of them did
Poor broken blossom
And nobody's child
Haunting and taunting
You're just kind of wild

Oh, Limehouse blues
I've the real Limehouse blues
Can't seem to shake off
Those real China blues
Rings on your fingers
And tears for your crown
That is the story
Of old Chinatown

Rings on your fingers
And tears for your crown
That is the story
Of old Chinatown

~ Someone To Watch Over Me ~

There's a saying old
Says that love is blind
Still we're often told:
"Seek and ye shall find"
So I'm going to seek
A certain lad I've had in mind

Looking everywhere,
Haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget.
Only man I ever think of with regret

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb

There's a somebody I'm longing to see
I hope that he
Turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key
Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead
Oh! How I need
Someone to watch over me
Someone to watch over me

~ Dear Little Boy ~

It's good to see familiar faces,
Rosie, Posie, Josie,
Polly, Molly, May.

I've thought of you in far-off places,
Hilda, Gilda, Tilda,
Billy, Filly, Fay.

Without you dear old pals
I've known some
Days that were awfully lonesome.
(Days that were awfully lonesome.)

I hope you missed me as I missed you
Dear little boy.
I was lonesome, were you lonesome too?
Dear little boy...

Now that you are here again,
My head's in a whirl
Dear old pal it's clear again,
I'm a lucky girl!

Make me happy
Tell me this is true
Dear little boy,
Say you missed me much
As I missed you
Dear little boy

~ Someday I'll Find You ~

Someday I'll find you
Moonlight behind you
True to the dream I am dreaming

As I draw near you
You'll smile a little smile
For a little while
We shall stand
Hand in hand

I'll leave you never
Love you forever
All our past sorrow redeeming
Make it all come true
Say you love me too
Someday I'll find you
Again

~ The Physician ~

Once I loved such a shattering physician
Quite the best-looking doctor in the State
He looked after my physical condition
And his bedside manner was great

He said my bronchial tubes were entrancing
My epiglotis filled him with glee
He simply loved my larynx
And went wild about my pharynx
But he never said he loved me
He said my epidermis was darling
And found my blood as blue as could be
He went through wild ecstatics
When I showed him my lymphatics
But he never said he loved me.

And though no doubt
It was not very smart of me
I kept on wracking my soul
To figure out
Why he loved every part of me
And yet not me as a whole

With my esophagus he was ravished
Enthusiastic to a degree
He said 'twas just enormous
My appendix vermiformis
But he never said he loved me

He said my vertebrae were "sehr schoen"
He called my coccyx "plus que gentil"
He murmured "molto bella"
When I sat on his patella
But he never said he loved me

He took a fleeting look at my thorax
And started singing slightly off-key
He cried "May Heaven strike us"
When I played my umbilicus
But he never said he loved me

He seemed amused
When he first made a test of me
To further his medical art
Yet he refused
When he'd fixed up the rest of me
To cure the ache in my heart

And so he lingered on until morning
Yet when I tried to pay him his fee
He said "why, don't be funny
It's I who own you money"
But he never said...

He said he really thought a lot of
My medulla oblongata
And my pancreas and sternum
Made him sing a wild cantata
When I shook my pelvic girdle
Well he did a double hurdle

Your appendix?
Just tremendix

Cerebellum?
Simply swellum

But he never said...

He loved my sinuses and spleen
And every organ in between
And yet he never said he loved me...

~ Do, Do, Do ~

Oh, do, do, do
What you done, done, done
Before,
Baby.
Do, do, do
What I do, do, do
Adore,
Baby.

Let's try again
Sigh again
Fly again to heaven
Baby, see, it's ABC
I love you and you love me.

I know, know, know
What a beau, beau, beau
Should do,
Baby...
So don't, don't, don't
Say it won't, won't, won't
Come true,
Baby.

My heart begins to humble,
Done, be done, be done, done, done...

So, do, do, do what you done, done, done
You done, done, done
You done, done, done
Do, do, do what you done, done, done before


This once more...